becoming israel


Becoming Israel
January 20, 2009, 2:26 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I am a liar…a really good one actually. I’ve had a lot of practice. For the past 8 years, I’ve played the role of goody-goody church girl with no real problems. Back that up…make that the goody-goody straight church girl. I’ve been on quite a journey in the past 8 years. Sneaking around, hiding secrets, etc. But it’s the journey that I am on now that brings this blog to fruition…I am becoming Israel.

Jacob was a deceiver, a really good liar and a schemer. Once Jacob was alone with himself – to face who he really was – he wrestled with God (or an angel of God) and finally admitted who he was – Jacob the deceiver. God then blessed him and said “Your name will no longer be Jacob. It is now Israel, because you have struggled with both God and men and have won.”

This is my journey of wrestling with God. I’m wrestling with Him because I don’t understand why He says what He does. About a year ago, I decided the gay lifestyle is not what God wants for me. My only reason in believing this, honestly, is because the Bible says God made marriage between a man and a woman. I can’t wiggle or justify my way around that. Believe me, I’ve tried. I wanted so badly for God to accept me as who I was (am? thought I was? there are still a lot of unanswered questions…) and let me love who I loved. Was there really any harm in it? I’m not sure I know the answer to that today but all I do know is that I’ve heard my God who (contrary to popular belief) does, in fact, love me right where I am tell me He has more for me. What that “more” is, I don’t know, but I’m determined to find out and I’m wrestling with God until I do.

A little background is in order but I can’t get it out right now. I feel like it’s so important to get out. Really, how many gay girls get back into church and decide they shouldn’t be gay but don’t know why for sure, right? My guess is that there are more girls – in church or not – struggling with “the gay thing” than I think but certainly don’t know about. But my other guess is that they are exactly where I’ve been…terrified they are the only ones dealing with this and nobody to talk to or understand. So come back for the rest of the story…I have no idea what will come of it, but I know God has work to do here.

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42 Comments so far
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Wow. Great post. I’ve NEVER heard of a gay person deciding to go against themselves to follow what the Bible says. At least not openly. God bless your faithfulness and your courage.

Comment by squincheye

Linked here from Anne’s blog. I have commented on hers so to save time would like you to check it out there. I am here to tell you that you have been prayed for. I have a daily prayer list in my Moleskine that I pray through. If you would like me to add you to that list then feel free to email me personally (it should come to you). If it doesn’t then comment here and I will include it in another comment. As a blogging friend is fond of saying: I will be praying dangerous prayers for you.

Comment by Bill Grandi (cycleguy)

God has a beautiful work to do – and you can take refuge that you are not alone. Though you do seem to have, at least on some level, a unique authenticity about the struggle and humility to grow through the struggle. God will always bless that, definitely sees that and will surely use that in your life.

But I’ve been that deceiver too. Though I don’t struggle with same-sex attraction, I had become addicted to porn and lived a complete lie – and to boot I was a pastor. And through my own struggle, God never wavered in his love and pursuit of me. The unfortunate side of my story was how others perceived and even judged my honest confession. They delayed firing me, but ultimately fired me and then exposed part of the truth to the entire church. This is when I learned about the ugly side of ‘socially acceptable’ sins in the church. It was hard for a person like me, who cares a lot about how others perceive me to let go and trust God. I had to come to an understanding that I would never be able to restore my reputation to that community and that if others judged me, it was their issue to take up with God – not mine.

Thank you for sharing your story and hold on to your booty, ’cause I think God is going to take you on a crazy ride as a result of it. As you struggle to rectify your lifestyle with the teachings of Jesus – you will become an example for all of us. Remember Paul said to boast in your weakness, not your strength. So I’m glad I can openly say I’ve failed, I’ve looked at porn in my church office, I nearly destroyed my marriage, I’ve been fired from a church, I’ve lived a lie – because it all points to God’s faithfulness in my life.

God bless…

Comment by Kevin Davis

This post has really touched me. I can’t say that I have any real answers to your questions, but I’ll certainly pray that you find some. You’re absolutely right that God loves you as you are, where you are. But what if renouncing the gay lifestyle came out of a heart that said, “I’m doing this because I love God in return”?

I guess it’s simply doing what He wants because we trust He knows best. Kinda like a child does what their parent/teacher/mentor wants even though he may not understand why he needs to do it.

Comment by Nate

I think what you have dont (setting up this blog and letting people know) is the best thing you could have done. As now you dont have to live in fear and shame and guilt and can be open an engage freely and openly in debate and disscusion with other christians and even non christians.

Comment by Westy | P H O T O N O M Y

I admire your strength of spirit to make the tough call and take God at His word. I will be praying for you, that God gives you amazing strength and that you bless many other people when you can share your journey through this and how you got out the other side.

Comment by Cush

Thanks for letting me publish a little of your story today.

Comment by Anne Jackson

Thanks for being real, transparent, candid and brave.

Comment by Mike Ellis, Church For Men Florida

Real honestly….I could write a lot of great things here about this….just let me say this…YOU ROCK!!! Thanks for your boldness and strength. I am glad you have a person like Anne and others to share this journey with. Cannot wait to read more of the story as it unfolds.

Comment by Trevor DeVage

You are not alone at all. God has done a great work of redemption in my life through this struggle as well. And since then He has brought other girls that are in the battle along my path. He does have more. I’ll pray that you continue to find the energy to battle well. I’d love to email more if you’re interested…I’ll keep checking back here to see how you are doing and to know how to pray.

Comment by ashleighcarroll

Hi! I found your blog via Flowerdust and I’m inspired by your courage. I think change is beautiful and especially when it comes from God.

Comment by SolShine7

I have lived the lie, too. Different circumstances, but ultimately a very similar struggle.

I chose freedom. God showed up. He never fails.

Praying for your honest journey. You are brave, and all things work together for good, you know. He’ll do that for you.

Comment by beth

It is SO amazing that people (like you and me) are beginning to recognize and vocalize their fears and trials. I am praying for you, and I am so thankful for your strength. I will definitely be keeping up with your story as you reveal it here on your blog, and I will try to answer any questions/add any opinions that you may ask for. Good luck, sister!

Comment by Kayla Grace

I want to encourage you to continue to allow God to speak to you, direct you, and pour His love on you.

I have been a deceiver too in times past, and although our struggle may not be the same, I know what its like to feel like you’re living 2 lives, but genuinely desire to be pleasing to God.

I’ll be praying for you, and Im so encouraged by your honesty.

Comment by Kelli

thank you so much for sharing this. it is nice to know that i am not the only person who is in this boat. i also struggle with homosexuality…except i’m a guy. i spent like 20 years living the lie. then about 7 years ago, i gave in and indulged my desires. and i fell in love with someone. my Christians friends turned their backs on me. my sin was apparently worse than theirs. but i didn’t care because i was in love. i was happy. for the first time in my life i had what i’d always wanted. yet…despite my bliss, i knew it was wrong. God would not let me continue in the relationship. what i was doing was sin. so after an amazing year with him, i had to break up with him. i had to walk away from an awesome guy who loved me for who i was. i had to break his heart and i mine. i felt completely shattered.

for the past 7 years i have walked in anger, hurt, depression and confusion…but i have denied homosexual activity in my life. the desires have been there, and just as strong as ever, but i have refused to act on them. i’ve felt very much alone because most of my “straight” friends either can’t or refuse to understand my struggle. many say it’s a choice and i just need to un-choose it. marry a girl. have some kids. the few gay and gay-friendly people accuse me of not being true to who i am and allowing the church to dictate my life. i’ve often felt like i was too “straight” to be “gay,” but too “gay” to be “straight.” i’ve felt alone.

through all the suffering and struggling, God has brought me to a point where i have a real peace about who i am. i’m not gay. i am a child of God who struggles with homosexuality. no different than any other sin. the consequences may be different, but all sin is the same. my identity is not based on my desires, nor my actions, but rather my identity is in Christ Jesus. there are still times i refer to myself as “gay.” and there are times that i catch myself thinking “homosexual” is who i am. but that is not the truth. the truth is i am a Christ follower. saved by His power through His grace. and i am NOT alone.

even though i will probably spend my entire life fighting these desires, i know that thru His strength and with His grace, ultimately, i will succeed. so will you. because He has already succeeded. i trust our Lord to be your strength and your hope as you continue your journey with Him. and i look forward to following to journey and finding out what awesome things He has for you. you are in my prayers, sister.

Comment by jeff

I admire you for wrestling through this and bringing others along for the journey. It takes courage to do what you are doing and I believe that our faithful God will carry you through this.

Comment by Lyra

Awesome. In my life a number of times I have found myself asking the same questions. Sometimes I have found the answer, sometimes I haven’t, but every time that I followed God’s word and guidance, I came out ahead. I am looking forward to hearing the rest of your story and also believe that “God loves you right where you are and He has more for you.”* Having that real, true, honest, deep belief of this line combined with your determination I think is going to result in some really cool things – I’m excited for you.

*I have heard that line so many times in my life and have never understood it the way I did today – thank you.

Comment by rlowenfield

wow, what a journey. thank you for sharing it with us. looking forward to reading the rest!

Comment by taylor

Hey, I saw you came to my blog…. you are totally not alone. I know this for sure. I know so many “straight” girls (whatever straight is anyway) who admit to struggling with same-sex attraction, even though they’re Christian, even though they’re in church.
If you want to email me feel free- I have a friend as I said on flowerdust who came out of male homosexual relationships and I’d be happy to be a support if I can in any small way.

Comment by kazzles

Thanks so much for your courage to share your heart and your struggle. I’m a pretty good liar too, but I’m struggling. Praise Jesus that he continues to chase. You’re not alone in this battle and your words encouraged me today to fight harder. Keep it coming, and you’re in my prayers

Comment by A fellow liar

I read Anne’s blog first and then immediately came here. I thank you for your authenticity. And I admire your courage. So many of us, as Christians, are living complete lies. We may act like we are a Christian but inside we are just a bunch of screwed up sinners. I have long lived a lie that I started coming clean about last year… it is worth it. I lost people and I will never have relationships be the same. But it was worth it. Because I have people in my life who love me, who know what I struggle with and don’t care that I am a sinner in need of Grace. They love me. But more importantly they see that I am just a sinner, as they are, sin is sin is sin. We have a tendency to judge one another based on our own criteria…God does not. He created us and loves us just as we are…imperfect and flawed.

Between your post and the comments follow I am so encouraged by the body of Christ today.

I look forward to reading more about your journey. Know that I am praying for you.

Comment by crittyjoy

I just want you to know that this excites me. I’m so excited that you’ve decided to be transparent with your struggles–something ‘Christians’ are terrible at.

This reminds me of a lady who spoke at a conference I recently attended. I’ll do my best to recap & hope God speaks through it.

She was talking about the story of the woman who was caught in adultery (John 8). I’ll let you read the story for yourself.

The lady was publicly shamed. Most likely her head was looking at the ground, so when Jesus knelt the second time, He caught her eye and said, “Woman, where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?”

It’s as if he lifted her chin and said, “Neither then do I. Go and sin no more.”

She experienced dignity of being a woman for the first time from the Creator himself. What’s so amazing about this is that he does the same for us. He’s lifting your chin & saying, “Neither then do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” He’s doing the same for me.

With that said-her closing points were:
-You are righteous and not condemned anymore. Do not be a woman that settles for a mediocre life. You don’t have to hide. You don’t walk in shame anymore.
-There’s no room for judgement in the body of Christ. We’re all level on the cross. You’re righteous because of Jesus, just as I am.
-Forgiveness allows you to walk in freedom. He’ll give you the power even when it’s scary.

I hope you can relate to this story. When I heard it, I immediately knew I was the woman in the story, but God is offering his forgiveness to me, even though I don’t deserve it. I’ve struggled with tons of things in my life, all being under the guise of the ‘good Christian girl’. But–newsflash. There’s no such thing. We’re all sinners and we’re all saved by what Jesus did for us–not by anything we’ve done on our own.

I pray that you’ll find freedom in Christ’s forgiveness just as I have and continue to do daily.

I’m praying for you & love you.

Comment by casey

“He who is without sin….” Thank you for being so courageous and sharing this today. GRACE is a beautiful thing!

Comment by jodyduncan

Thanks a billion for sharing your story. God’s going to use your guts for His glory. I’ll pray for you. And Jeff, for you too. Wow.

Comment by Marla Taviano

thanks for sharing your story too jeff! i think i completely know how you feel/felt through your journey. thank you so much for your encouragement!

Comment by becomingisrael

I sent you a pretty long email. 🙂 Just making sure you got it since I just hit reply. Hope you are doing well.
-ashleigh

Comment by ashleighcarroll

Hello.

Believe it or not, but at this very moment, you are answering a question posed by so many before you. In this time, with this set of tools, you have been given an opportunity to share something more powerful than theology or doctrine–you have the unique power to share LIFE.

I cannot understand how you must feel, or the mystery you must be facing. I cannot even pretend to give you absolute truths that I myself will question.

But what I can tell you is that your life can be viewed by many who will ask the same question–and it will bring freedom and change to their lives to know that someone blazed a trail before them in honesty; someone who was REAL about it.

Whatever the outcome of all of this–always be real. That is the testament that will change lives.

Ironically–and I say this not intending to put any additional pressure on you, but as words of encouragement–your statement that God has work to do here is true in so many facets. The world is watching for something to happen that isn’t “televised” and “fixed”, but is raw and real. You have an opportunity to bring that.

Good luck and God bless.

Comment by Frank Rue

I come by your story through Hemant Mehta’s website the Friendly Atheist.

I don’t expect to have my advice agreed with, but I’d just like to echo his thoughts on the issue.

You don’t need a church in your life.

I know how that must sound, as I was a Catholic for most of my life. But it’s true. You do not need a church in your life.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

You aren’t broken, or disturbed, or less than others, or thinking or doing bad things.

And you may find a lot more love and respect and support from nonbelievers.

Again, I doubt you’ll agree. But I felt it had to be said.

Comment by morsec0de

What strikes me most about your story is not the spiritual struggle, but the human struggle. The terrible dichotomy between what is and what you feel should be.
What is most important – being true to yourself or true to a singular interpretation of your diety’s will?
I hesitate to mention this because you might stop reading right here, but we’re pretty much opposites – I’m male, straight, and an atheist.
I feel tremendous compassion for you and anyone else struggling with feelings that they consider sinful and I invite you to consider this:
If God made you as you are, isn’t denying that also defying God? Would a just God punish you for doing what comes naturally if it harms no one?
No one should have to choose between their beliefs and their true nature.

Comment by Steven

While I certainly admire your courage to follow what you believe is right, I have feeling you’re setting yourself up to fail in the long run.

You’re obviously a good person, but if God was so concerned about your sexuality, he would have done something about it a long time ago.

Comment by josh.f13

I just thought I’d leave a comment to applaud you for your honesty, and also for the wonderful echoes of the Biblical story of Jacob-Israel as you aim for honesty and yet rightly continue wrestling.

I’m a New Testament scholar, and I’ve discussed the subject of the Bible and homosexuality both on my blog and elsewhere. There are a lot of other blogs, web sites and books that discuss the subject, from a range of different perspectives. I hope that you’ll continue to wrestle with the subject, and will ultimately act in accordance with your own conscience and convictions (which may change as you investigate the topic further – it has been known to happen). And if you ever want to discuss the issues of Biblical interpretation related to this subject, feel free to send me an e-mail or leave a comment on my blog.

Comment by James McGrath

Homosexuals who enter religious programs aimed at changing their homosexual behavior are more likely to commit suicide (up four times more likely), and more likely to suffer severe depression. It is likely that other religiously motivated suppression of homosexual feelings also leads to suicide and depression. For a homosexual, being part of religion that believes homosexuality to be a sin is severe risk to their life and health. In short: the belief that gay is sin kills.
People who are gay need to find a religion that does not equate gay with sin (there are many), or leave religion entirely.

Comment by llewelly

I read your story and there is a movie that you must see.
Its called But I’m a Cheerleader.
It will have all the answers you need in it.
Do what you think is right

Comment by Nick

Aw, how hard this must be for you! I struggled with this question at one point, too. Not because I struggle with it personally, but I simply did not see the reason behind it. So I did my research and tried to discover what was actually being said in the Bible without trying to force any kind of agenda or agree with the mainstream just because everyone else thought it was a sin. What I found was a lot of disagreement! In the end, I came to an out of the mainstream conclusion–that it wasn’t a sin. The way I see (or saw) it (and this is me and I am in no way trying to tell you how to think) is that God made us all. If he cannot accept us the way he made us, then is that a god we want to accept? You don’t get to choose your sexual orientation. It’s like God telling me I was unacceptable because I have red hair. Silliness! Throw in a lot of boring theology in there, and that is what I decided.

Really, though, in the end, I completely left the church because the more reading I did on this and many other subjects, the more I realized what it really was. At the same time, I was in a prison of my own. I held onto the misery because the misery was safe–it was all I knew. Plus, what if it was right? Over a period of several years, I let it go. When I finally threw off the last chain, I realized how much religion truly was a chain. I am much freer now, and I don’t mean in a moral sense, but in an emotional sense. You and I struggled with very different issues, but I can see some deep parallels in the emotional journey. Good luck to you. If you ever need a friend, feel free to email me.

Comment by lauradee24

I applaud you for being brave enough to tackle some tough introspection and really think about your life and your beliefs. I applaud you for sharing this story, because so often people only share their struggles when they’re all over – either when they’re “cured” or when they’ve decided to embrace their orientation and adjust their religious beliefs appropriately.

Whichever you find best for you, I wish you well, and I hope you can find happiness. I know how hard it is to choose between something you feel and something you’ve learned since childhood, and the right answer might be different for you than it was for me. I hope you’ll read a lot, hear from lots of different people and find the support you need to stay happy and fulfilled.

Best wishes,
SarahH

Comment by SarahH

Looking over the comments, I find it quite telling that the people who are generally seen as the most judgmental (Christians) are being the most supportive and those who are supposedly more tolerant (those outside the Church) are being more judgmental (not all of them, but more of them). I fear, however, that this will not hold true in the long run. There are too many in “Christiandom” who claim to follow Christ, but do not love their brothers, a sure sign that they are lying about their relationship to God (1 Jn 4:20).

As this gets out, you’re going to be attacked more and more by people who feel that your devotion to God and willingness to place yourself before Him in submission is an attack on them and their own lifestyles. This blog and the comments space will become a battleground, and if you do not let your heart harden (which you should not! do not let your heart harden whatever you do! God sent His son to die to thaw out our hardened hearts!) it is going to be wounded over and over. There are going to be more attacks on you than there are defenders, both from within the church and from without. To put this out here on the public internet, to be this transparent and allow people to throw stones at you takes a kind of courage or desperation that I don’t have yet, Christ have mercy. It reminds me of what Paul wrote in Philippians 3: “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection of the dead.” I think this blog can be an amazingly difficult and worthy place for you to learn the fellowship of sharing in Christ’s sufferings.

Like you, I am a Christian. I cannot deny the faith God has given me as a gift. I cannot deny the truth of the Scriptures. Like you, I struggle with (and in my case more often than not, give in to) sexual temptation, though mine is heterosexual and rooted in self-pleasure and wasted thoughts. I do not know your name, but I am proud and gratified and encouraged to be able to call you my sister in the Mercy of Christ.

I don’t have a moleskine. I don’t have a journal that I read very often, and I always forget to pray for those that I tell I will pray for. But I will pray for you now, not that your desires would be taken away, but that God will strengthen you against your desires, that you will find all your refuge in Him, that you will not try to turn yourself into a heterosexual, but instead continue to find your definition not in your sin or temptations but in your Redemption and your Redeemer — even when you fall straight back into the cesspool of sin (which is probably the most difficult thing in the world). I will pray that you will remember that accusing guilt is not from God, but rather the enemy (Rev 12:10) and that God has cleansed us of guilt (Heb 10:22). I will pray that you will keep pursuing Him, swimming against the current, never to stop and float back downstream. I will pray, eagerly expecting that He will be your strength, that He will be your conviction, that He will be your peace, that He will be your love, that He will be your joy, and that He will be your patience with yourself. And I will pray for you whenever I boot up my browser, because your wordpress site will be my startup page.

Galen

P.S. All the scripture references I have used have a whole bunch of layers and implications that I didn’t even point out, so I encourage you to explore them in more depth.

Comment by Galen

In a remote area of Australia lies a dying language – the Mati Ke. There are just two elderly speakers left. You might think that they would grasp every chance to meet and talk; to use their one remaining opportunity to converse in the language of their childhood. Yet their linguistic loneliness is complete, for they never speak to each other.

No, there is no feud between them, and no physical barrier. There is instead an unclimbable psychological barrier. For they are brother and sister, and as children they were taught that it was a sin for brothers and sisters to converse with each other after the age of puberty.

To an outsider this is a taboo that is almost too bizarre to believe, an absurd, unnecessary, painful taboo that robs them of happiness for no good end. But at some stage in the remote past the tribal elders decreed that this was the right way, the only way, a way that it was forbidden to leave. No doubt, although I do not have the evidence to prove it, they asserted that transgressions would result in divine wrath descending on the trangressors.

Looking in from the outside, we can however see what they can not – namely how easily it could have been otherwise.

And so it is with homosexuality. At some stage in the history of a middle-eastern tribe, the tribal elders decreed that sexual relations were forbidden between people of the same gender. That was the one and only way, and any deviation would result in divine wrath descending on the trangressors. And that prohibition has held people in line for over two thousand years.

Looking in from the outside, I, and my friends and colleagues, can see what so many people can not – namely how easily it can be otherwise. The prohibition on homosexuality is an absurd, unnecessary, painful taboo that robs people of happiness for no good end.

You have however a huge advantage over the last speakers of Mati Ke. You have the internet. You have contact with people all over the world; you can put things in perspective. You have the chance to disentangle the important from the trivial, the universal from the parochial.

You have the chance to be free.

Comment by Stephen P

Hi there!

Found this blog through the Friendly Atheist’s website.

I’m just a guy who happens to live in Sweden, a country where the majority of people are freethinkers and nonbelievers. In Sweden, they already have same-sex unions and very soon they will also have same-sex marriage. In my country of birth, Belgium, they’ve had same-sex marriage since 2003.

Respectfully, you need to get it out of your head that homosexuality is somehow a choice. It’s just like having blue eyes or brown skin: you’re born with it.

The often-heard argument that homosexuality is somehow unnatural and a choice that certain people make, is just plain wrong. At the moment, the Natural History Museum here in Stockholm has an exhibition called “Rainbow Animals”. It looks at over 1,500 species of animals for which homosexuality has been documented (swans, dolphins, giraffes, bonobos, etc.). You can google Rainbow Animals or use the following link: http://www.nrm.se/en/menu/visitthemuseum/exhibitions/rainbowanimals.6876_en.html

And remember, if your all-knowing god exists, when he creates human beings, he already knows beforehand who will pass or fail his test. Otherwise, he’s not all-knowing. I would call that an intrinsically evil being: someone who creates souls knowing in advance that they will fail and not get into his heaven. And failure in your case would be the mere fact of being born (i.e. “made by an all-knowing, all-loving god” in your mythology) with the desire to love a person of the same sex.

Just a (free) thought,
Wim
Stockholm, Sweden

Comment by Wim

BecomingIsrael, Jeff and all who are in similar circumstances,
I too, am a Christian teenager who feels called by God to turn my back to what seems to be my own nature. For my entire life, it seems, I too have lived the same lie, and how difficult it is! I have heard other Christians, not aware of my desires, crack condescending gay jokes to me. I have heard others incredulously decide that homosexuality must be a simple choice, and that all anyone has to do is say a prayer to God and he will immediately switch their desires around. But my love for my savior who has covered me in righteousness is greater than the forgivable misunderstandings of my brothers.
I have heard many more explain that accepting myself will only make me free since it is not my fault, but as long as I remember having homosexual thoughts, there has been a deeper, truer truth telling me that that is not my identity. It is hard for me to explain and probably harder for others to understand, but I’ll just say that it is something I wrestled with (and still do) and found to be undeniable. The option to find a “gay friendly” religion is unthinkable to me. When the Lord asked the disciples, “‘you do not want to leave too, do you?’, Simon Peter answered, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life’” (John 6:67).
I do know multiple great Christian men who lived the gay lifestyle for many years and God transformed them over years, and I have heard of women doing the same. Today they have strong, beautiful marriages with children. Whether that might be our story for the future, I can’t say. All that is left is for us is to work out our salvation in the body with fear and trembling like everyone else. I know that he who began a good work in me will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Just remember that for us in Christ, there is now no condemnation, for we are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. I am praying for you, I hope you’ll do the same for me.

Comment by matt

I’m right there with you. Hang in there!

Comment by IAN P

[…] about. As far as the people important to me knew, I wasn’t speaking to her at all. Remember? I’m a liar. Anyway, I tried to convince myself I could handle these feelings on my own. If I tried hard enough, […]

Pingback by addicted. « becoming israel

Hi there… I have gone through your same struggle. At first I tried to give up being a lesbian, then I tried to give up God. Neither of these things worked for me. It is a hard long struggle to reconcile your faith with your orientation, but it is possible to have both. I used to pray for years that God would change me into a heterosexual and He did not. Is this perhaps because being gay isn’t something that needs to be changed? Who knows, but what I do know is that if you research the ancient Greek and Hebrew texts of the Bible, it is not so clear cut. Homosexuality was not even a word until a century ago. Trust me that if you research, you will find that the topic of “homosexuality” in the Bible is not so cut and dry. I encourage you to research this, and also I have compiled all my years of research onto my first blog in August 2010 entitled “Homosexuality in the Bible? -An Alternative Perspective.” I pray that God speaks to your heart and lets you know you are loved as you are.

Comment by moanti (moe·on·tee)




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