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So my best friend is trying very hard to be supportive in all of this, but she’s been hurt very much by all of my lying. We are both trying to move past that part of this story and she is doing her best to pray for me. She’s asked that I let her know when I’m having trouble with Girl B. It’s been very very hard for me to open up when I struggle with it. I’m not sure if it’s almost natural now for me to keep secrets. Or if I hate the idea of becoming vulnerable. Or what. So today, I habitually decided to keep the somewhat debilitating pain I felt when I saw Girl B to myself. Once Best Friend asked me about it, I tried to throw a fit but then realized she was actually asking because she cared and wanted to pray for me. It was a big moment in a very small space.
Anyway, I still cringe a little at the idea of letting Best Friend know when I feel weak. So we decided on a code word today. Something I could randomly throw out there or text without any explanation that means “I’m hurting/struggling/etc. and I want you to pray for me.” I thought of a few and thought I’d share them…
1. Vampire. What? I know. Can you tell I’ve read Twilight? (Only half though, don’t spoil me!) 🙂 This sounds silly even to me, but I have this theory or idea that I relate to Edward in a very real way. He’s decided to live this “vegetarian” life refusing what he feels like he was made for because he believes in a bigger picture. Hey! Me too. Although, I wouldn’t describe this journey I’m taking as one toward “vegetarianism.” Anyway…I like Twilight too much to connect it to a somewhat negative situation.
2. Girl B. Simple enough right? But what if Girl B goes away or Girl A comes back (you’ll get that story eventually) or Girl C or D or E or just girls in general? So no on that one too.
3. Needles. Why? Because it’s the closest thing I can think of to describe the aforementioned debilitating pain in my heart that attacks out of nowhere. Actually, it feels more like someone is squeezing me from both sides as hard as they can…but that’s not much of a code word. And needles are already no fun so I’m not ruining anything in that respect. So needles it is.
So let me fill you in on my day. Needles. Needles. Everywhere. You know what I mean. 😉
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