becoming israel


Information overload
June 24, 2010, 5:28 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m coming up on a full 24 hours here at Exodus and I’m so glad to say that a lot of the anxiety has gone and been replaced with a desire to soak everything in. I’ve had no expectations for what the next moment is to bring and it’s been solidly good. I say solidly good because I don’t feel like I’ve had this mountaintop awe-inspiring experience but it hasn’t been the emotional roller coaster I’ve been on leading up to the conference.

I’m still struggling with finding how to match my head and my heart. This isn’t a new struggle. It’s been ever-present since I began this journey. I feel myself being critical of the worship instead of focusing on resting in the company of God and praising Him. It takes so much intentional effort for me to praise Him and I feel like that is being spotlighted in my heart so far. I think I struggle with knowing exactly why that disconnect/wall exists and that frustrates me. I hope that a continued focus on my relationship with God this week will push me to dig deeper with Him.

This experience so far has been so unique. It’s so different to sit down at a table with different women from different backgrounds and feel free to share and hear stories about lesbian relationships and how we got to where we are now. There is a refreshing absence of shame or hushed voices and I love it. It’s actually quite moving for me to think about it because it’s exactly what I was wanting…a place where people just TALK about it. There’s a community of authenticity and safety that I’m really appreciating.

The speakers have been really interesting and I’m having a hard time digesting it all. I hope that comes with time to reflect and rehash what I’ve heard and learned. I do want to say a quick something about the speaker today. Her name is Kathy Koch and she isn’t a lesbian or a speaker to just homosexual groups. Something about that made me respect her a little more. I’m not sure why. She was a great speaker and super smart. I think her teachings and principles can relate to anyone but she had a certain knack for relating to her audience today. She also did a breakout session on change and I can’t wait to really sink my teeth into my notes from that.

Oh, and on an interesting note, Lisa Ling is here. As in the correspondent for Oprah. I know, right? Apparently she’s doing some sort of a piece for the new O Network. I don’t have any commentary on that….just thought is was interesting. Ok…maybe a little commentary…it’s weird how being here for only a day makes you forget there is a whole world out there with a different opinion and misunderstanding. Anyhow, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I still covet them but they are being felt and appreciated.

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3 Comments so far
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you have this, no doubt, intense experience and then “go away”… talk…

Comment by FierceHope

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

A relationship of my past ended (very close to the alter) because the man I was to marry battled with homosexuality and wisely knew he couldn’t marry me. Your blog, your openness, your willingness to dive into your heart and write has helped me heal.Not that all thoughts/hearts/minds/souls are the same, but your fearless writing gives me a glimpse into his soul. Many thanks and prayers for strength as you seek the face of God.

Comment by AE

AE – thank you for your comment. It surprises me that people I would have never expected have found my blog and it has served a purpose in their life. I hope that you continue to find healing from your broken relationship. I know it probably hurt but I hope it shows how much he cares about you that he wasn’t willing to pull you into an unfair situation. I pray he finds healing as well!

Comment by becomingisrael




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